The Secret : Friday Fictioneers

The Secret

The doors stood defiant in the gloom. A padlock and rusty chain barred their route.

Sally (aged 8) and Becca (aged 7 3/4) pulled at the chain, but the small gap was only large enough for a stinky rodent or perhaps a mangy cat.

They circled to the side window. Sally wiped away some grime and they peered in, holding trembling hands.

They caught their breath as they spied the hanging rolling pins and creamy underwear.

“Itsss tttrue,” Becca shivered.

“Yes! Frau Kinderessen chases naughty girls and hangs them up until they disappear!” Sally replied.

A twig snapped.

“Run!!”

This weeks Friday Fictioneers photo prompt is totally different from last week!

My thanks to Mary Shipman for her photo taken, as we can see, in 2013.

I was fortunate to have a short masterclass from Rochelle in the comments so here is an alternative to the second paragraph. As a lot of you have already read the story I won’t change the published version.

Sally and Becca reached up on tiptoes and pulled on the chain, but the small gap was only large enough for a stinky rodent or perhaps a mangy cat.

 

33 thoughts on “The Secret : Friday Fictioneers

  1. Dear Graham,

    Cute story of children’s vivid imaginations. Very enjoyable. Only one piece of crit, if you don’t mind. I found their ages in parentheses more of a distraction than a stage setter. We can tell by the dialogue and their reactions that they’re children. Nice one.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love crit, it makes me grow. I cut a lot out to shrink it to 100 words. Perhaps some other way to set their ages might have been preferable ?

      Like

  2. Children, of course, imagine all kinds of wonderful things. What’s impressive is when an adult imagines that a child may imagine that a dress is the hanging remnant of a desicated child. Well done

    Liked by 1 person

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